Well, I guess I should not let Cierelle read things I put in here. She is quite furious with me about what I put in here yesterday and actually threatened to punch me in the head if I manage to "pull it out of my ass" as she so eloquently stated.

She knows I still love Nelle, but I just don't know what to do about it.

I think...... its that I don't want to hurt Nelle, and she looked so sad in a way when she was here and saw the kids. She is so good with kids, and a lot of the kids around here really love her and are always thrilled at the prospect of seeing her. I think the risk of having kids as a pod pilot is high, and that weighs on her a lot. I wish I could do something for her, I just don't know what. If I could, I would marry her in an instant, and have children with her too. I just don't think she would risk children as a pod pilot. I'm not sure, but I would be to worried that it would upset her too much if I brought it up.