Ok, so its been a month now, and yeah Cierelle really does expect me to do this. I guess I might as well, what can it hurt, right?

So, like I said, its been a month now and I am not really much better off now than I was then. I avoid so many people these days its not even funny. I spend alot of time out hunting in the mountains. Hell, I have taken to avoiding alot of my duties as head of the Clan even, thankfully Cierelle handles that so well. I don't see alot of KJ. I rarely connect to my pod. I haven't seen Nelle in weeks. I spend days at a time out of touch with Cierelle even.

I just don't know what to do really. My temper, my anger.... its all so hard to control sometimes that it even scares me. Well, it doesn't really, but what I am capable of does sometimes. I feel like I have lost so much sometimes, yet gained so much that its all confusing to me. How can I feel like I am lost, when I have an entire clan that looks up to me, a beautiful wife that loves me, and my children, so small and innocent....

Cierelle keeps telling me that I spend too much time on the planet. That I am supposed to be in space. I am supposed to be out among the stars fighting for the Republic and its people. Well.... I dunno. When I link up with my pod, I feel even more lost than I do when I am home. I gave up with Gradient. I gave up with the Alliance. I am hiding from Nelle. I feel like I barely deserve to be a part of any of it anymore.

I am again considering letting my capsuleer license expire.

Ancestors help me Cierelle might go nuts if I am around all the time though.

Oh yeah, almost forgot to mention that I joined Re-Aw about 10 days ago. I need to reconcile issues there or something. I just want to understand them, and maybe see if they can understand me. Not sure if this is gonna work, but I need to try at least.